What is a healthy relationship?

As me and my boyfriend celebrated our 6th year anniversary as a couple this October, I wanted to reflect back on the characteristics of what a healthy, long-lasting relationship might be and try to fulfill your curiosity and requests on this topic. Especially for young people like us, committing to anyone in a serious relationship is a very difficult challenge to do. You keep wondering if it is all worth it or if you will ever find "the right one". But I guess you can never know those things for sure, heck even after 6 years we still have our confused days and uncertainties in our relationship but what's important is that we should become aware of the fundamentals of some healthy habits that could hopefully make your relationship less problematic.

First of all, PLEASE PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I AM NO RELATIONSHIP EXPERT! Although I don't think anyone is an expert, I still think that we should share about the things we feel as true to help others in a similar situation. Some might say I have no idea what I'm talking about but I do want to share my own beliefs for those who ask for it as well as for those who will listen and implement. 

As every individual and couple is different, these habits might not work out best for some people who prefer to do things differently in their relationship. However, after observing other couples including myself, these relationship habits definitely come in handy for most young love birds who are trying to make "happily ever after" happen. After a long thought and process of what I PERSONALLY believe, here are 5 habits that MIGHT BE WHAT IT TAKES to make your relationship healthier:

1. ALWAYS TRY TO PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES

When you hear about the concept of self-love, what comes to your mind? Does it mean buying fancy clothes, go to a beauty salon every week, pamper and spoil yourself like no one else in the world matters but you? Because from my observation, that seems to be the situation where MOST girls use the phrase "self-love" these days. There are no judgments, if that makes you feel self-loved and happy, keep doing it. However, in my perspective, self-love in a relationship has to have its own balance, half of it for you and half of it for the other person. When you are too focused on your own happiness only, it is difficult to make space for thinking good for others. It might be true that nobody will understand your feelings more than yourself, nobody will care for you like yourself but that kind of changes when you are in a committed relationship with someone else. I actually think some people love themselves way too much which might even create unbearable self-ego to even have any partners, so balance is the key. You can still create "self-love" while giving love to those around you. Your partner will have many problems in life where he or she might need you by their side but what if you keep complaining about yourself only and have no room to feel empathetic towards your partner? That often leads to uneven care for each other and would eventually start constant fights and arguments which in most cases end up in a break-up. So trying to think of your partner and understand things from their perspective makes them feel loved and appreciated. They will appreciate you more and try to do the same for you. Which I think, is one of the healthiest forms of a relationship.

2. BE THEIR BEST SECRET KEEPER

There are times when we feel like nobody would understand the things that we are going through in life except for ourselves. At that moment, it is a huge relief to talk to someone who understands and cares for us but you are not sure if you should spill everything that is inside your head. You might think to yourself: "Will they judge me if I say this?" "Should I say everything that is on my mind, will they go spreading it around to someone else?" "Should I trust this person with my feelings?" and so on. It is a pretty reasonable fear for all of us, especially if you are not the type to open up so easily, it is probably right to keep some things to yourself. However, in a healthy relationship, both individuals should be able to trust each other and know that the other person has their back and would keep everything between themselves. Both individuals need to understand that they could trust each other more than anyone else without any hesitation because they plan to be in a committed, long-lasting relationship with no intention of breaking up what so ever. If you have that person's trust, they will always try NOT to screw things up to lose your trust. Not only girls but even guys tend to gossip with their close friends about their relationship issues and dirty secrets these days. That could lead to some serious trust issues and unnecessary fights which might ruin the potential of a great relationship so we need to give and get, earn and deserve that respect and trust from our significant other. JUST KEEP YOUR WORD AND BE THAT PERSON HE OR SHE CAN ALWAYS DEPEND ON!

3. LOYALTY LOYALTY LOYALTY

Now, this is a sensitive topic for some people and I might get a lot of hate if I truly express everything that I personally think to myself about the issue of "cheating". But in short, If you love them, you love them and you stay with them if you want someone else END the relationship FIRST and then move on. It doesn't matter how slow or fast you move on as long as you are not cheating. See here is my belief, why be with someone if you stopped appreciating them? Why do you have to take away their belief in love just so you can get some? If you have children together and are in a family that would be a longer conversation on what is right or what is wrong. But I never fully understand why young people like me who are simply hanging out in an unofficial relationship have to cheat on each other. If you want something or somebody else than who you are with now, no matter how hard or difficult it may seem just END IT and figure out the rest later. It is not as easy as it sounds? sure it is hard but it is better than dealing with your guilt after you've already done something wrong. You need to be the person that your partner can trust when you go out with your friends and have a night out or when you go away for the weekend with a bunch of other people. Loyalty is one of the strongest foundations of a healthy relationship and once you screw that up, it is nearly impossible to ever feel the same way about each other again. Everybody is allowed to make mistakes and learn from them and I am not judging anyone who made such mistakes since they are the ones who have to feel sorry for losing someone great. But it is so important to never repeat it again, kudos to you if you are fighting to build a broken trust! Keep your love pure and healthy so that lesser hearts get broken. There are no words that could ever justify the actions of infidelity no matter the reasons, but learning from a mistake and forgiving someone you love are both beautiful gestures in a healthy relationship. NOBODY DESERVES TO FEEL SHITTY FOR LOVING SOMEONE, SO LET'S BE GOOD KIDDOS!

4. PATIENCE

This might be THE ONLY foundation of how many couples could stay together over a long period of time because if couples had no patience towards one another, it would be kind of impossible not to kill each other sometimes. Even though you love that person, you want the best for that person and you appreciate them, there are times when they just drive you CRAZY. At that moment, most couples usually end up in a heated ugly argument and not talk to each other until they get over it. I would not recommend holding your anger inside without ever communicating with each other because in my case, it never led to any profound solutions. Instead, it created an opportunity for another fight that will usually be the same thing all over again which would make both of you sick of each other. No matter how you handle the arguments with your partner, it will always REQUIRE a good level of PATIENCE and CALMNESS from you. It is so important to practice things like thinking before you say something you will regret later, count to 10 before you express your disagreement or just simply hear them out instead of shouting out all your curse words before they could even begin to explain themselves. Training yourself to be patient is good for the both of you as it often leads to a rational and positive outcome and once you both have mastered the art of patience, the possibility of you two breaking up over small fights will be slim to none.

5. KEEPING THE SPARK

This is an issue that most couples struggle with after they've been together over a long period of time. This is an issue that even our parents deal with after all these years of being married. This is an issue that led to the separation of countless beautiful couples that could have had a beautiful future together. We know it is a problem, yet we still don't know how to keep that spark shining. But what do I mean by keeping the spark? Do you remember the first time you ever saw that person? the first time you ever talked and held hands? The first time you hugged and kissed and the first time you ever shared something personal? The first time you cried in front of them and the first time they said the words "I love you"? There are first feelings for everything and it is magical but somewhere along the way, those feelings of being crazy in love and being blessed, that feeling of butterfly in your stomach when you see them fades away slowly little by little. I wish there was something I could say to confirm that its a lie but there aren't any. No matter how beautiful some people are together, I believe very few people if even possible, can still feel the same way about each other like they met for the first time. So eventually, that shining spark in your relationship slowly and timely becomes dim and you stop trying make it shine. You stop dressing sexy or saying kinder words for each other, you stop buying them random gifts or you stop saying the words "I love you" that much and before you know it, there is more hate than love in your way of seeing each other when you start to argue over the big things. This is a very sad and such reasonable excuse for most couples that struggle with and use as a reason to break up. However, it is NOT impossible to make it spark again. If you truly want to be that person but just don't know what to do, why don't you both try doing the things you used to do before and not judge anything or anyone based on who you've become now? Why don't you both FORCEFULLY try to be kinder and appreciative of each other and try to make each other happy by doing the things they like. It doesn't have to be a huge effort to make your relationship exciting again. Sometimes, the smallest things can touch your partner's heart in a way that you've never expected. Try focusing on the goodness of your partner instead of criticizing them. Try reflecting on why you wanted to be with that person in the first place and question if you still want that. If the answer is no, you can always do something about it but don't give up on anything unless you try to fix it first. 

I believe that we are all children of love and are capable of giving and receiving love. Please do NOT stop trying if you think you've found "the one", do NOT give up easily if you truly love and want to be with that person. "Life is too short" is not just a word but it is the truth! Even if you get a broken heart, it will always teach you something and you'll have been grown into a better, wiser version of yourself. Most importantly, you will not have any regrets because you really did TRY. Please keep on spreading love, be kind to each other because we need more of that more than ever.

I truly and deeply appreciate every single one of you readers who take time to check out my post. I sincerely hope you find the love and happiness that you deserve and live your life to the fullest!

Love, Amy